Note: Men are more than welcome to read the articles here, but please be mindful that this blog is for women-only. Thank you.
“For in Him dwells all the fullness of the Godhead bodily; and you are complete in Him, who is the head of all principality and power.” (Colossians 2:9-10, NKJV)
One of the false messages that women are sent, by both secular and religious influences, is that they are to pursue completeness through marriage.
This false message is promoted to women in books, movies, sermons, articles, songs, relationship memes, and discussions about relationships.
The message is that if you are single, then there is something wrong with you and you are somehow lacking as a woman, otherwise you would be married by now.
In some communities and theological camps, singleness is seen as a less desirable, less meaningful, and less blessed state of existence or something to be pitied or shown sympathy. Whereas marriage is exalted as a more desirable, more meaningful, and more blessed state of existence.
In some theological camps, being a wife almost grants you a higher spiritual status, more righteousness, and more holiness than single women.
I have even seen people use the phrase “that’s why you’re single!” as an insult towards a single woman. Do they not realize that Jesus was single? It amazes me that people who claim to be Christians think that being single is an insult when in fact the Lord was single.
All of this gives single women the impression that singleness is a bad thing, they are missing out on something, they are less than, and they are incomplete without a husband. This message does not come from God, but from the world.
Ladies, “Beware lest anyone cheat you through philosophy and empty deceit, according to the tradition of men, according to the basic principles of the world, and not according to Christ.”
The false message that “marriage completes you” flies in the face of Scripture which teaches that it is our union with the Lord Jesus that completes us.
“Jesus is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation.
For in Jesus all things in heaven and on earth were created, things visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or powers–all things have been created through him and for him.
Jesus Himself is before all things, and in him all things hold together.
Jesus is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, so that he might come to have the first place in everything.
For in Jesus, all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, and through him God was pleased to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, by making peace through the blood of his cross.” (Colossians 1:15-20, NRSV)
Paul’s letter to the saints in Colossae teaches that our completeness in Christ is directly tied to His Deity, His supremacy, and His sufficiency as our Lord and Savior. To put it simply, the reason why we are complete in Christ and not lacking anything is because of who Jesus is:
“He is the reflection of God’s glory and the exact imprint of God’s very being, and he sustains all things by his powerful word. When he had made purification for sins, he sat down at the right hand of the Majesty on high, having become as much superior to angels as the name he has inherited is more excellent than theirs.” (Hebrews 1:3-4, NRSV)
We are complete in Christ because the fullness of God dwells in Him and He is not lacking in any way, shape, or form. Because of our union with Him and the incomparable riches of His grace, we have received a Divine inheritance and have everything that we need to live for God:
“His divine power has given us everything needed for life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who has called us by his own glory and goodness. Thus he has given us, through these things, his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may escape from the corruption that is in the world because of lust, and may become participants of the divine nature.” (2 Peter 1:3-4, NRSV)
Whether a woman is single or married, if she is in Christ, then she has become a participant of the divine nature and is complete in Jesus.
When people imply that women are incomplete, lacking, less than, or inferior in any way, just because they are single–whether they realize it or not, they are putting marriage in the place of Jesus and implying that marriage that completes a woman and makes her whole, valuable, and more blessed. They are perpetuating favoritism, partiality, and some sort of hierarchy in the body of Christ based on one’s relationship status.
The false message that “marriage completes you” puts social pressure on women to marry, which results in women rushing into marriage and squandering their years of singleness focusing on marriage and how to attract and please men instead of focusing on how to please the Lord, grow in His word, build themselves up as women, and enjoy their youth and the benefits of being single (1 Corinthians 7:32-35).
I find that many Christian women rush into marriage not knowing who they are, what they like and don’t like, what they will and won’t tolerate, and never having truly lived and daring to step out on faith and accomplish their dreams.
Their dreams, goals, and talents lie dormant and smothered beneath the anxieties, troubles, and responsibilities of marriage and child-rearing. They are filled with secret regrets, what if’s, grief and mourning over lost years. . . but they would never admit it publicly or even feel comfortable confessing it to Christian friends and family members, because it’s seen as unChristianly to say that you rushed into marriage, you should have waited, you miss being single, you wish that you were single again, and you should have spent more time being single, growing in the Lord, discovering who you are, and accomplishing your goals. The PC thing to do is wear a fake smile and pretend that all is well when the truth is that you rushed into a turbulent or toxic marriage because you thought that marriage would make you complete.
All my single ladies, hear me, and hear me well. . . marriage will not make you complete. Nor will a career, wealth, degrees, child-bearing, doing lots of church work, or anything else that you are told will make you whole or more virtuous as women.
Whether we are single or married, we are complete in Christ–not because of who we are and what we do, but because of who Jesus is and what He has done for us. Know it. Believe it. Live like it.
“Such is the confidence that we have through Christ toward God. Not that we are competent of ourselves to claim anything as coming from us; our competence is from God,” (2 Corinthians 3:4-5, NRSV)